Prayer (Essentials Blue, Fall 2008) October 24, 2008

 

For: The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen’s University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt 

 

Out of all the readings on human identity this week, it was the idea of my public prayer life that rose to the forefront. In particular, my journey of using spontaneous, or written prayers in community. Looking back, I think I’ve experienced three distinct parts to my journey.

 

Part One – Spontaneity

I grew up in a passionate Baptist church, where prayer was typically spontaneous. It was informed and fueled by Scripture, but we were always encouraged to use our own authentic words when we approached God. I loved praying like this. I felt free to express exactly what was on my heart, and I felt inspired as I truly heard the hearts of those around me. I loved praying in small groups, or larger groups, or even with the whole congregation as it felt like there was a sincerity that encompassed us.

 

Part Two – Written

Later on in life, during my college years, I took a position as a pastoral intern at a very reserved / traditional church. I learnt many wonderful things during this time, but I really felt almost a sense of culture shock in regards to the prayer of this new church. This particular community valued written prayer. It could be personal (something that someone had written earlier that day), or it could be ancient prayer (read from a prayer book), but almost every prayer that I heard in that 4 months of my life was read off of a paper! 

There were beautiful words said, and meaningful prayers prayed, but I just felt lost. I didn’t know how to be authentic in this new context. I didn’t know how to read the authenticity of others in this new context. 

On one particular occasion, I remember going to a prayer for healing service for a woman who was dying of cancer in the community. A somewhat large group gathered, and for nearly two hours we sat in near silence, with a few read prayers here and there. Looking around I know that this was still very powerful gathering to this particular community, but inside my spirit was screaming to have all the pent up words flow out of everyone. I wanted to hear their sincere grief, their sincere frustration, and their sincere pleadings to God to heal this woman. It hardly felt like a healing service to me at all!

 

Part Three – Listening

After this period, I joined the Vineyard, and a new dimension of prayer opened up. I was introduced to prophetic, and listening prayer. Not only was prayer about putting my words and thoughts before God, prayer was a channel where God could (and would) speak back to me using pictures, words, songs, etc. It was a wonderful new discovery, and I’ve heard wonderful things from God. But, honestly I still feel a little lost in it all. It’s not comfortable yet, it’s not fluid, it still feels kind of awkward, and I don’t quite feel good at it yet.

 

Part Four…. ???

Taking time to reflect on my journey with prayer has opened my eyes to see why I have a tendency to feel awkward / and uncomfortable about praying with community. I have come from three different ‘cultures,’ with three different expectations and understandings of prayer. And although there are many valuable things to be learned from each setting, I am still having a hard time allowing those three experiences bleed into one another. Right now, I tend to jump from one to the next, and I feel quite disjointed!

It was actually N.T. Wright’s comment on the Bible that really struck me the most. It was his line that spoke of the Bible of “The story so far.”(2) In the same way, this is my prayer journey so far. I am not trapped in any of those first parts! In fact I am on a journey where I must make a fourth part. And this fourth part should take what I’ve learned and experienced and blend them in a way that is still authentic and sincere, but also calls on the prayers used throughout the history of the church, and still takes time to listen to God. 

I now understand why I have been frustrated with my ability to prayer in public, and I am now challenged to move beyond my frustrations and step into a new experience in prayer. I’m pretty nervous… but here it goes!

 

 

(2) N.T. Wright, Simply Christian:Why Christianity Makes Sense (New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers, 2006),  174.